Do girls ever miss their first love?
13.06.2025 00:45
New session of third year started. Again some new feelings stirred.
That's when I met a batchmate . We started off as friends but he was interested in me. I was doubtful but soon I started liking him too. I never knew I would love him so madly that one day I would have to move on.
Then it changed into anger “ why did I have to love him?”
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I got hobbies , cultivated myself. I guess at times I remember him , naah i don't remember him particularly, I remember my love for him . I regret that it was so pure and got wasted on him.
Then again to crying.
Most often women decide to leave first , and move on but it's never easy , if they have loved. They put efforts and keep tolerating to an extent that it crosses their limit and once they break , they don't look back.
But somewhere there too I wanted to make him jealous that someone else is getting my attention.
Jealousy “ why is he so normal even after breakup?”
Somehow block unblock never worked , being batchmates we saw each other everyday. I am introvert , have hardly any male friends , so any news about class or anything, he gave it. After a while I thought I should let it go , Mbbs will soon end .
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I was crying “ why can't he love me the way I do?”
I always thought first love is the guy who comes first in sequence of liking. I had a brief period of friendship appearing like relationship with a guy in early days of first year. He couldn't let his insecurities go and eventually he left me . As expected I was broken , wondering he was my first love ,how will I move on ?
Soon I will be in final year. And I am still fighting this , I know someday I will stop remembering him. I am waiting for that someday.
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Now there is only one feeling
Sadness “ why can't I be happy like him”
Despair “ why can't he try to text me in some other way , guys text from so many apps or numbers after getting blocked”
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Forgiveness “ he couldn't love me , it's okay, these things can't be forced”
I wanted to add a diary entry I had written during those proff days of second year. While reading it today I realised how difficult it might have been writing it back then… lucky him , to be loved by a writer huh
All these took up most of my second year days of college.
First few months were great . Slowly I saw myself not becoming his priority. He had trust issues ,doubts etc. Somehow we pulled it to a complete year but behind the scenes most of the months I was in tears.
And about the question , I guess it doesn't matter if girl or guy misses their first love or not. Once it ends, it should be closed for good. More chapters are to come , and before someone else gets the baggage of our failed first love , we should heal.
I heard somewhere “ you shouldn't read those chapters whose outcome you already know”.
Then it changed into hate
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At the last exam of my proff , I went out in evening and broke up for real . As usual he didn't believe it or treat it seriously. To add some seriousness I blocked him.
It was never easy to decide to break up . In my head I had committed myself to him , his flaws didn't bother me , I loved him for real. What bothered me was ,me putting in efforts ,love , time and him not being able to put even love in it.
I tried to Have a new crush to move on. I was in myth that all is fine as long as I focus myself on admiring new crush .